Coaching — what gives you the right?

To be clear, nobody has ever actually asked me this question, but I sometimes imagine it’s what’s running through the other person’s mind as I tell them I’m a Coach - like somehow I think I’ve cracked the secret code to all of the world’s problems and now I’m going to sit them down to teach them all I know.

‘What gives you the right? You think your life’s so great that you get to tell me how to live mine? You think your career is so amazing that you get to tell me my next steps? You think you’re so smart that you get to tell me how to run my business?’

Unfortunately, there is a certain veneered, quick-fix, chest-thumping part of the ‘self-improvement’ industry that doesn’t help here — offering overnight transformation and wealth and happiness, off the back of a day-long seminar where you get given all of the answers to life’s tough questions. If that’s what you’re offering, then you sure as hell better have your s*** together, because if you tell me how to live my life then I’m going to spend all my energy trying to scrutinize yours!

The reality is that my job as a Coach is not about giving my clients the answers — firstly, I don’t have the answers; and secondly, even if I did, being told what to do is far less effective than figuring out the path forwards for yourself. For me, coaching consists of some simple yet powerful things:

• Giving my clients uninterrupted space to think and to verbalise their thoughts — it’s amazing how rare that is for most people
• Listening deeply — not just to what they say, but how they say it, their body language, and all the subtle non-verbal communication going on
• Helping to join the dots — there are lots of patterns going on in our ways of thinking and being, many of which we might be blind to
• Asking questions — often the ones they might not be asking themselves
• Being authentically invested — I like to get deeply invested in my client’s world
• Fostering self-accountability — helping people do the things they say they’re going to do

So if someone were to ask me the question, “What gives you the right?”, then I’d say that I have absolutely no right to be dishing out advice or telling you how to live your life; but I am pretty good at those simple things listed above; I’ll continue to strive to be great at them; and I’ve seen the positive impact that they can have for people.