Please don’t tell me to meditate

Most people find meditation agonisingly boring. Although the case in favour is well established by now — from the more down-to-earth, evidence-based claims such as reduced stress and greater concentration, to the more exuberant declarations that its the key to solving the mental health crisis, restoring our relationship with nature, and even bailing us out in the face of spiritual bankruptcy. There’s still no getting around the fact that when set against a backdrop of constant mental stimulation, most people lack either the motivation or the capacity to sit, be quiet, and not have their internal monologue consume them. For type-A personalities in particular, meditation also has a major branding problem — it sits alongside burning sage, drum circles and a plethora of other activities in which people open their mind so much, that their brain falls out. I say all of this as someone whose led meditations, had an on-again-off-again practice for a number of years, and experienced a huge range of benefits through that practice. I’m an advocate. But I’m also a realist. And because I’m both of those things I’m not going to try to convince you to meditate (if you do feel compelled then way to go), but I am going to explore what it is that meditation can provide and what some of the more achievable alternatives might be.

Amongst all the noise and obscure language on the topic, the core purpose and benefits of meditation get lost. I’m not a Zen Buddhist Monk whose reached a state of enlightenment, but from my own experience I would boil the core benefits down to several simple things:

• Improving your calm concentration — it seems to be a diminishing skill in modern society that we’re able to lose ourselves in one thing and one thing only without getting distracted. Building this mental muscle for calm concentration has a huge array of benefits in other areas.
• A sense of connectedness to something bigger than you — I’m personally not a religious person but I am fascinated by the tangled web that seems to connect us. I believe a sense of connection is core to our basic human needs, and also provides a level of perspective around what’s truly important.
• Being more present/getting out of your own head — some might say ‘mindfulness’ but I don’t really like the word, as it’s been coopted for so many different purposes. For me, this simply means to live life as it is without the need for that voice in your head to butt into the experience. Or to put it another way (as I write this my dog is sat next to me) — be more dog. Whilst I can’t know everything my dog is thinking, I can say with a high degree of confidence that he’s not ruminating on the ball he failed to catch on our walk earlier; or deliberating about which of his favourite spots at home he’ll most want to take a nap in later on. He’s just here, now, having a nice time.
• Feeling happier — this almost emerges as a result of the other three. What you soon realise is that so much of our mental anguish is simply a result of either stressing about the past or the future, neither of which we can change for the better through stressing in the present. Happiness really is a default state that you’ll come back to when you manage to get out of your own way.

So there is a lot that meditation can do for you — and again — if you’re feeling compelled to give it a go then I’d say go for it. But I don’t think meditation, at least not in the form of sitting cross-legged in silence on a cushion, is the only way to get there. What I’m interested in here are some of the alternative approaches that people might explore when meditation simply doesn’t fit for them.

Improving your calm concentration

Calm concentration really is an underrated superpower. Simply being able to apply your attention effortlessly to the task at hand. Think of all the things you could achieve! Part of the reason you might consider it a superpower is because it’s increasingly rare. We are serial multi-taskers. Watching TV, whilst scrolling on our phone, whilst thinking about that annoying comment our boss made today. It all feels…well just a bit fraught. The good news though, is that it is something you can put into practice outside of a meditation practice.

• Approach your work with dedicated focus time — whatever it is that you do, look for opportunities to apply yourself to one thing only whilst ignoring all distractions. Write that document that needs writing and close your email, Slack, put your phone out of reach for example. Notice the increased sense of ease that comes with not fragmenting your mind.
• Switch your habit of checking your phone for a book or an alternative singular point of focus — our phones are kinda the root of all evil when it comes to lack of concentration. Did you know that the average American checks their phone 344 times per day! And your phone is essentially a handheld multi-tasking machine. Once you check it then there’s no end to the distractions of social media, internet rabbit holes, Whatsapp messages, newsfeeds, weather reports, games — all crying out for part of your attention. Of course there are legitimate reasons for needing and using a phone, but for many of us its simply an ingrained habit which we do on autopilot. See if you can notice the next time you reach for your phone — did you actually do so consciously with a specific purpose in mind? If your simply reaching for it out of habit, then try switching it out for a book or something else you can use to pass the time but which only has a single point of focus.

Building a sense of connectedness

This doesn’t need to be some drum circle, peace-and-love type of activity. You don’t have to find God. You don’t have to start talking about the power of the universe. Connection is just a basic human need. One that seems to be in decline. But there are some simple things you can try.

• Spend time in nature — nothing builds perspective and appreciation quite like spending time in nature. Go somewhere great. Look up. Spend some time taking it all in.
• Engage in your community and your relationships — connect with those around you. Do something selfless to benefit your community. Spend time enjoying the company of others.

Getting out of your own head

We all have that voice in our head, and often it can be a bit of a jerk — jumping in with the criticism after something goes badly, or undermining our confidence ahead of a big moment. When you think about it, that voice has a lot to answer for. I mean sure, bad stuff happens in life, but most of the time the bad thing itself doesn’t last all that long. What does last though, is the endless internal commentary afterwards. On loop. Incessant. It’s not a realistic goal to expect this voice to simply disappear; but it is achievable to not allow it to dictate so much of our experience.

• Find things that are fun and allow you to quiet your mind — one of my favourite books is by the Japanese author Haruki Murakami, called ‘What I talk about when I talk about running.’ It’s a relatively short memoir in which he talks about his writing and his passion for running and ultramarathons. Although I hate running, the book really highlights the role that running plays for his mind in a way that I could relate to through surfing. To me, surfing is pure fun and joy, and when I’m in the water I experience a sense of blissful mental stillness. I think some people would call this ‘flow’.

You don’t have to do all of these things. You don’t have to do any of them. But if you can find some time in life to improve your skills of calm concentration, to build connections, and to get out of your own head, then a good dose of happiness seems like an inevitable bi-product. And guess what — in some people’s eyes, doing that IS meditation.

Anyone who strokes a dog is meditating. My mother spent her evenings knitting. What better meditation was there than sitting by the fire knitting. Anyone that does anything carefully. It’s ever so simple.

John Butler